Adventures in parenting

Infants & toddlers can take months to accomplish a new feat like learning to crawl or walk or potty train. In some cases, accomplishments happen in the blink of an eye & you are unprepared for them. A couple nights ago, Hana learned how to lock the door in our bedroom. Unfortunately, she did it with her in the bedroom & us in the hallway. After 5 years in that house, we only then realized that the previous owners installed a doorknob that requires a key to unlock it. Sounds stupid but how closely do you examine doorknobs? Not surprisingly, we didn't have the key to open the door. It took only seconds for Hana to realize she could not get to us & we could not get to her so the screaming began. We knew we couldn't kick the door down because Hana was in the way & would get hit. I sat on the floor, trying to calm Hana. I put my hand under the door & felt her tiny hands grab it. I wanted to cry! After trying every spare key in the house & a coat hanger, Joe managed to cut a sharp piece of sheet metal & used it to shimmy open the door. Neither of us really thought it would work but were happily surprised when it did. A tiny, swollen, wet, beet red face appeared & collapsed in my arms! Now the bedroom & bathroom knobs have been disabled. Not one to be deterred by traumatic experiences, Hana continues trying to close doors but now she can't understand why the doors no longer stay closed!

She's Geeky unconference

She's Geeky Unconference (Oct. 22-23, 2007)

Monday
Owning your Power:

• women want permission -- men never ask permission; they just DO
• women are expected to build consensus whereas men are expected to just move forward
• it's takes longer to build consensus but you can avoid pitfalls (e.g., being seen as aggressive rather than assertive)
• don't wait for permission or to be asked
• when things go wrong:
• you can make a decision to stay & fight & possibly get beaten down or leave
• it's OK to leave & save yourself!
• you can change your environment without leaving the company (e.g., change managers, change roles, go part-time, take a sabbatical)
• women are loyal & will stay in relationships/companies longer; they tend to take more abuse & let others be the aggressors
• you are more powerful if you are diversified
• consulting, speaking, teaching,
• blogging can help you advertise your skills, ideas, .. get support, PR, & feedback
• if people know they can take it from you, they will
• realize it's not personal
• seek support from outside -- don't allow yourself to be isolated
• put yourself in a position where people can take from you (e.g., financial freedom, option to leave & work elsewhere, technical knowledge to back you up, support from others)
• it's not about right or wrong, it's about what you want
• how do I get this task done?
• don't get distracted with "was I justified?" or "is this fair?"
• be authentic, true to yourself
• recognize your power
• practice your power
• "Act as if" may not work if you can't own it or don't do it well
• it doesn't mean admitting all of your faults
• you have to like who you are
• find a mentor to practice with & emulate

How to convey your ideas in 3 min. or less:
Imagine you have 3-5 min. to sell your big idea to the one person in the world that can make it happen. What would you say? How would you say it?

• keep it to only 2 or 3 main pts -- people will usually forget more than that
• know your goal
• don't think of yourself as a public speaker
• humility & humor can go a long way
• you don't have to deal w/ the hecklers in the crowd
• don't over prepare
• your audience wants you to succeed -- they don't want to see you suffer or fail to present good information because it's uncomfortable for them & a waste of their time
• communicate your passion -- don't try to sell what you don't believe in
• the elevator pitch
• keep it in your pocket (e.g., index card) in case you meet the one person that can make a difference; you will likely forget everything if you actually meet up with Larry or Sergey
• practice in front of a mirror
• keep it to 3-5 min.
• no slides (just the index card)
• tell a story to connect the key points & make it memorable
• your abstract (if this is a published/announced presentation)
• don't give away the whole speech
• keep the title short & catchy
• leave your audience wanting more
• don't make it a defense of what you have to say
• slides (if this is a formal presentation)
• make the handouts first & then cull down for slides
• build a flow
• no more than 5 main headings
• don't do it on company logo slides
• sanity check w/ spouse
• trim it down, down, down
• don't use more than one font
• limit text effects
• simple slide transitions
• no eye charts, graphs, diagrams
• keep the audience engaged (eye contact, humor, personalize, question/interact)
• do not read slides
• connect w/ audience
• be personal
• it's not about YOU, it's about the content
• practice w/ microphone
• make sure water is available
• use bathroom beforehand
• have a time keeper
• encourage Q&A, don't fake an answer, & deal w/ heckler's question first
• encourage short questions

Tuesday

How to be a mom & a geek:

• the taboo topics
• miscarriages
• fertility treatments
• postpartum depression
• breast feeding trouble
• difficulty transitioning back to work
• women must talk about the topics so we all realize we are not alone! Don't suffer in silence! Together we can make a difference.
• postpartum
• get support
• hire help (night nurse, cleaning); you don't have to do it all & you shouldn't have to
• mommy dates
• support groups
• blogs
• TechMama (http://techmamas.typepad.com/)
• Blog Her (http://www.blogher.org/)
• FlexSperence (http://www.flexperiencestaffing.com/)
• Silicon Valley Moms (http://svmomblog.typepad.com/silicon_valley_moms_blog/)
• MommyTracked (http://www.mommytrackd.com/)
• returning to work
• ask HR if they offer maternity leave (& return) sensitivity training to managers; if not, request it!
• have to prove yourself all over again when returning to work
• if things are bad, change your environment
• change manager
• change jobs
• take a sabbatical
• work part-time
• missing relationship w/ husband
• go out periodically to get to know each other
• work together
• couples therapy
• books
• The Baby Whisperer
• Milk Memos
  

Shameless self-promotion:

• book: "Brag"
• know your belief system & what you are bringing to the table
• know your strengths in order to sell them
• inspiration
• who & what inspires us?
• seek them out
• be surrounded by people that inspire you to model yourself after them
  
• talking about you & yourself -- you never know if that person will be key
• create your own elevator pitch -- what do you do or who are you in under 3 min.?
• share what your passionate about -- and oh by the way, that's what I work on
  
• what makes you or your product different?
• what makes you inspiring, better, unique?
• you can take tests (e.g., Meyers Brigs so it can help you see those things in your)
• ask friends/family to describe you
• get your message out there & say it over & over & over
• say it the same way, same words, same message every time
• forward those thank you emails to your manager & save them in Kudos file
• send out survey for feedback & save it
• give presentations
• send out snippets
• free business cards on VistaPrint.com
• start that reference process, get testimonials
• personal friend is your best referral
• credibility is based on what your audience perceives you know
• passion is infectious
  
• host parties/events/conferences
• you have permission to talk to everyone about anything
• you have the stage to promote yourself

Leading & Managing Teams:

• male/female communication styles are quite different
• get a mentor
• network up & out
  
• reach out & sell yourself
• take on the grungy problems
• don't fall into the pitfalls (e.g., being the mom, cleaning house, filling candy dishes)
• be a thumbtack (really sharp in one area)
• change conclusion, not fact: people won't believe you are a leader until you believe it & live it
• what is your value-add?
• build consensus beforehand/offline
  
• when seeking feedback, be specific about what you are looking for (e.g., not agreement to the idea but ideas for XYZ)
• you're judged on results
• don't try to "act like a man" because it will not be appreciated
• women are more likely to tell stories when trying to make a point but men are more likely to speak in bullet points
• have a vision (goal for a meeting, objective for the project, outcome for project)
• make a decision
• take risks & be willing to make mistakes
  
• integrity
  
• communicate effectively
• help others succeed
• team building
• don't feel bad about asking questions or not knowing the answer
• champion other women; network, refer other women